Fifty Grades of Shay
by Insert.Witty.Username.Here2012
Summary: To some grades mean everything, to others grades mean nothing. But, to Shay, grades are a daring and passionately physical affair, as he embarks to realize his innermost and darkest desires.
1. Chapter I: Blackmail

Disclaimer: Inspired by a verbal slip up while I was ranting with one of my friends over the phone about 50 Shades of Gray, of which I own nothing.

Despite this being a parody fic, written by two authors at that, we really do want to know what you think, so please review.

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The clock struck 2:15 as the rustling of papers and squeaking of chairs was heard throughout the classroom. People of all shapes and sizes were stuffing pens, erasers and calculators into their bags while ignoring the plight of the unfortunate few whose textbook laden bags spilled their contents across the floor. In the midst of all this nonsense a dark-haired, dark-clothed person sat impatiently and unnoticed in the back of the room. All witnesses must leave before he can act.

Slowly, but surely, the room emptied until there were only two, the elderly target and the impatient young man. It was time to leap into action. As the graying man gathered his belongings and headed into his office, the darker one stood up silently and followed as if he were the man's shadow. When the office door slammed the older man gasped, spinning around. He clutched his chest tightly in shock.

"You, ungrateful...Ugh! What are you doing here!?"

"Give it up, Geezer; you know what I'm after and I won't take no for an answer," The intruder said as he stepped closer in warning. His eyes traveled around the small room hungrily, searching.

"I already told you, I can't! I won't have it until next week-"

"Listen, old man! I don't care what you have to do, I want that information now!" The elder cowered near his desk. He just couldn't deal with the forceful type. The young man neared, his eyes blazing with lust…for information.

Suddenly the office door burst open, causing both men to jump and turn toward the invader.

"Excuse me, I didn't realize you already had someone in he - Oh... It's just Shay. Professor, may I please have my test scores? I just want to make sure I'm keeping my 4.5 GPA."

"Amber." Shay spat, turning toward the willowy, stunning, auburn beauty. His eyes followed every single wave of her hair, glowing with the light of a thousand intergalactic suns, even though the sunlight from only one was hitting it. He watched her lithe movements; she moved with a grace that was often only attributed to a really graceful animal. Like a panther, but with bronze skin and considerably less hair. Her eyes icy blue eyes smoldered like the last glowing embers at the bottom of a campfire on a summer night in a snowy tundra. It was disgusting.

"Oh, Ambrosia" the professor said enthusiastically, hurrying toward the lovely maiden, in an attempt to remove himself from his shadow clad source of harassment. "Of course, I'd be happy to grade your test first! Always such a delight, you have a wonderful way with words."

"Professor, you flatter me!"

"Not at all, my dear, not at all! You're my best student!" He all but shouted. "Certainly better than that hooligan over there," the instructor stage whispered behind his hand. As if to rub this in further, Amber flashed her million dollar pearly whites and flipped her voluptuous hair over her perfectly tanned shoulder. Who does she think she is, some sort of shampoo model? Shay thought viciously, trying to burn holes in her indefectible form with his stare.

There was a knock on the doorframe and a black-haired teenager stuck his head through the door.

"今日は、はかせ、(Good day, professor,)I'm here to retrieve my lost charge over there," the asian youth said with a smile as he moved toward Shay, "ごめいわくかけちゃってごめんなさい、(Sorry for all the trouble he's caused)" He continued as he dragged a protesting Shay out the door. "じゃ、まったね、はかせ。(Well, I'll see you later professor)" He finished closing the door harshly.

The professor and Amber looked at each other in confusion. Amber then daintily shrugged, thanked the professor again, and took her leave.

"Geroff me!" Shay grunted as he tried to untangle himself from his best friend's iron grip. The other students in the hallway glanced over at the struggle, but soon turned back to their business. After all, it was just Shay and Takagi arguing, again.

"いやだ、(No way!)" Takagi said in between pants, "If I let you go, you're going to threaten and stalk even more teachers and I'm going to have to do damage control." With a gigantic heave, and a few muttered curses, Takagi managed to haul his maniacal friend into their dorm room and locked the door behind him.

"Let me out." Shay whined, glaring a thousand daggers in his friend's direction. "I need to know my grade. I have to stay on top, Takagi! If I don't-"

"I know, I know, you've said this once, twice, a million times of every minute I've spent with you these past few years." Takagi mockingly adopted a manic stance, complete with hands clawing through his hair in desperation. "'If I don't get the best grades in the class, I'll never beat Amber! Worse, what if I can't fulfill my dream of becoming a trillionaire CEO?!'"His arms hung by his sides again as he dropped his impression. "せいせきバカ (Grades obsessed idiot)"

"Don't you make fun of me!" Shay snapped.

"あたまがいいけど、お前は大バカだよね。それはどうなったんでしたっけ(You're smart, but you're such an idiot. How the fuck did that happen)?" Takagi muttered under his breath. He always was thankful that learning Japanese never factored into Shay's goals, so he never had to hold back on the insults. "Listen, Shay. You're smart, there's no doubt about that. I'm sure you'll be able to accomplish your goals, but why not try loosening up and living your life instead of wasting it away in the library buried in text books?"

"Why don't you listen to me instead? Grades may be like any other benchmark to you, but for me... they're my passion, my life. Now, if you'll excuse me I have a study date, more specifically, a date with studying." Making this clear that his was the final word, the dark clad young man took the key from Takagi's hand and jumped out the window, seemingly for no other reason besides looking cool.

"その変わりにかのじょうを見つけなさいよ。(Find a girlfriend instead.)" Takagi muttered hopelessly, looking at the place where his idiot friend had just jumped out of a second storey window. "Really, now I'm locked inside and he's probably broken his neck." Leaning out the window to check for signs of life, he only found a few crumpled bushes with a scrap of Shay's sweater, and two other students, most likely named Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele. It was either that, or Edward... Sullen? Cullen... whatever, and Bella Crane... Kingfisher? Some sort of bird near water. They always seemed too bland anyways, so he never bothered to remember.

Sighing, he turned back to his current problem: lockpicking his own dorm room door.


	2. Chapter II: Intellectual Smut

Chapter II: Intellectual Smut, Rated R for Extremely Graphic Studying

Hi, Chapter two here. Please review, despite this being a parody, we really do want to know what you think.

We don't own the 50 Shades Trilogy. We're the brilliant people who make fun of it.

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After jumping from his dorm window, and landing relatively safely in the bushes, Shay stood, brushed himself down and took off in an aggressive sprint across campus. The library closed at 7pm after all. As he was leaving the area of the dorms he passed a rather bland couple. Shay had always thought that the girl, Anastasia or whatever, was too virginal to be real...but hey, she could be having kinky sex in her grandmother's basement for all he knew.

Shaking these distractions from his head, Shay continued his rush towards none other than the library. With the strength of the Hulk on a particularly cruddy day, he let out a mighty roar, opening the gigantic oak double doors with much more force than was necessary.

Finally finding a secluded corner of the library, he pulled his notebook and textbooks to the edge of the hardwood table. Giving the notebook a smoldering look he shoved his pencil into its folds, his eyes gently caressing the words in the textbook, stripping them of their outward meaning and looking beneath to find the hidden fruits of their knowledge.

Kissing the next book lovingly, he pushed the covers apart, savoring the sweetness of its contents. Bending closer, he could feel his hot breath reflected back to him, as he broke into a sweat. Catching a drop of errant saltiness on his tongue, he continued to thrust his pencil between the pages of his notebook. He could hold back no longer and could feel he was nearing the climax of this session.

With a final push of his pencil, he collapsed head face first into the soft afterglow of a fantastic round of studying. Pulling his face from the book's sweet embrace, he checked his watch to see how long he had managed to last. He smiled, he'd managed a good hour and a half. Fifteen minutes longer than the last time. All he needed was a 20 minute break and he'd be ready for another round. He wasn't called the king of stamina for nothing, his brain's refractory period was extremely short.

Once his breathing had calmed down and he could move, Shay looked up from his notebook at the rest of the room. Every single person in the room had dropped whatever they were doing at the moment to watch this spectacle. The emotions on their faces ranged from extremely repulsive to vaguely embarrassed. Shay didn't care. If they couldn't take the heat, they should just leave him to his study habits.

Feeling rejuvenated, he returned to his beloved textbooks. He hoped for another satisfying round.


End file.
